A Ronin's Journey: The Road To Redemption

A landing page for all the chapters of the book.

Vance’s Musings
A Ronin’s Journey: The Road to Redemption
Introduction Throughout most of my adulthood, people asked for my advice. I even published a couple of books filled with it along with a blog called Ronin’s Journey. I was not very good at taking my own advice, though, so after some previous introspection, that was almost too late. Then the world turned upside down. This book is about insecurity, ego, pr…
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Vance’s Musings
A Ronin’s Journey: Chapter One
Previously: July We moved out of our home and in with his family, where I spent a lot of time sitting in our godson’s favorite spot on the loveseat. We just could not stand being in our house. Every time we were in there, it left us practically shaking. During that time, we prepared for his memorial while surrounded by an army of friends and family…
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Vance’s Musings
A Ronin’s Journey: Chapter 2
Some names are changed to initials since they were kids at the time. August The week after the memorial was the hard one with the numbness wearing off to reveal churning emotions. Writing was the only way I could really relieve the pressure somewhat. Still, it was all overwhelming, and frustration began to set in. With everyone gone but us five, it was lo…
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Vance’s Musings
A Ronin's Journey: Chapter 3
The end of August saw us preparing for our usual trip to Atlanta for DragonCon and Wolf Fest. We struck off towards Mississippi, where we switched vehicles, riding all night to arrive early morning in Atlanta, around 5 a.m., I think. Minutes later, two other friends, Katy and Zach, came. We roused whoever would get up and walked to a nearby restaurant f…
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Vance’s Musings
A Ronin’s Journey: Chapter 4
October brought two changes with it: new life and a return to the house the accident occurred in. The day our new goddaughter came home, we cleaned up her house and decorated it to surprise them. I even felt a poem in me for her, though finding a picture for it was hard. The one I decided on was our godson signing “I love you” and adding “Welcome home” …
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Vance’s Musings
A Ronin’s Journey: Chapter 5
This month didn’t start off well at all. I was awoken by the phone. Groggily, I answered. We got news no one wants: our goddaughter had stopped breathing. She was coming around as the emergency crews worked on her next door. Quickly, we dressed and rushed over to see what would happen. It was decided that she would go to Children’s Hospital for observat…
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Vance’s Musings
A Ronin's Journey: Chapter 6
I came off a night of fitful sleep filled with odd dreams that were occasionally broken up by tending to my sick wife. She was feeling better by the time I left for my therapist appointment. While there, my therapist had me go over how I was processing everything, then listened as I bounced ideas off her, and then listened to her as she focused on the f…
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Vance’s Musings
A Ronin's Journey: The Road to Redemption
After we got home, the court case started moving along quicker. The Prosecutor spoke with our godson’s mother and grandmother about what to do with me. When your world has turned upside down, you see how little control you have. What truly matters becomes apparent to you. Being right is one of them, doing everything your way isn’t either. Everything is …
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Vance’s Musings
A Ronin's Journey: Chapter 8
It wasn’t a good month. It started going downhill in reminding me of how fragile life is and how unexpectedly it is lost. I had been dabbling in Stoic philosophy as a coping/preparation mechanism for all the bad that seems to come my way. Stoics are not usually affected as much by negative emotions. I, on the other hand, was cut to the bone at the time. …
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Vance’s Musings
A Ronin’s Journey: Chapter 9
In spite of the stoic techniques, I had to admit a part of me wanted to keep the negative emotions. I wanted them as a reminder and as a penance. The trichotomy of control technique still proved incredibly useful in dealing with work, business, and court. It deals with what I CAN control, CAN SOMEWHAT control, and CAN’T control. Timely, since my court d…
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Vance’s Musings
A Ronin's Journey: Chapter 10
April showers bring May flowers. This month was more stormy than I would’ve liked. It began with my legal fears. Worried that my plea deal wouldn’t be signed, I texted our lawyer. Then, using Stoicism’s negative visualization, I prepared for the worst…
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Vance’s Musings
A Ronin's Journey: Chapter 11
As soon as we returned from Oklahoma, I got the news that my grandmother was being rushed to the hospital. Briefly, I wondered if she was going to be the next one to die. Fortunately, she was stabilized and put on a respirator. The next hit wasn’t long in coming…
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Vance’s Musings
A Ronin's Journey: Chapter 12
June brought more adjustments, like getting used to Casey’s new schedule and how to adapt. She started working more weekends, which was eating through our restaurant budget quicker than usual. We eat with the Deaf church more often so as to conserve money. She eats, and I drink coffee and maybe pick through her leftovers. Amused, I thought in my best na…
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A Ronin’s Journey: Chapter 13

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May 1, 2023
A Ronin’s Journey: Chapter 13

We broke the news we were going to move after we arrived at the halfway mark on our savings. It was taken much better than I thought. It was a high note to start the month on, then we got the news that Casey’s stepdad was impaled on a limb. It didn’t hit anything vital. I wondered as much, as he’d survived; there had to be a purpose to his life that he h…

A Ronin’s Journey: Chapter 14

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May 15, 2023
A Ronin’s Journey: Chapter 14

In writing this book, I’ve had to watch for the all-too-human tendency to make myself look better. Like how that buck you missed had antlers that grow more massive every time you tell the story. Or the fight you won was against five guys on PCP instead of really being one guy who tripped and knocked himself out. Fortunately, I have the journal entries t…

A Ronin's Journey; Chapter 15

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May 29, 2023
A Ronin's Journey; Chapter 15

The month began with me and Casey dividing our forces, her going to a Deaf event and me to my dad’s. I was bummed that I was going alone; however, I wanted Casey to see her friends. Time with my niece did help me feel better. Then she texts me. The truck is almost out of gas, and she’s lost.

A Ronin's Journey: The Road to Redemption

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June 12, 2023
A Ronin's Journey: The Road to Redemption

Editor’s Note: Initials are used in place of kids’ names. The month started off with one vehicle fixed and another one sold. I missed my JKD class. However, my friend got his car before Casey left to go to a group grief therapy class at church. It was suggested that I go with her. I had dealt with it all pretty much, so I thought.

A Ronin’s Journey: Chapter 17

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June 26, 2023
A Ronin’s Journey: Chapter 17

Started the month off all wrong. It was a late Halloween party, and I was asked to bring someone and I refused. It was an act of defiance, no matter how much I wanted to rationalize it. And I did rationalize the crap out of it. “He’s drunk.” “They get on my nerves.”

A Ronin's Journey: Chapter 18

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July 10, 2023
A Ronin's Journey: Chapter 18

I continued reading the Ragamuffin Gospel, highlighting and copying it. One excerpt about our dark pasts I absolutely loved. “We all have shadows and skeletons in our backgrounds. But listen, there is something bigger in this world than we are and that something is full of grace, and mercy, patience, and ingenuity. The moment the focus of your life shift…

A Ronin’s Journey: Conclusion?

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July 24, 2023
A Ronin’s Journey: Conclusion?

It took three long years to write the first draft. Through it, I struggled with the structure and how to end it. Lengthened it, changed the title, and changed the intent of the book. Meant to be a self-help book, A Ronin’s Journey really showcases my tortured journey over 17 months. I read the first three chapters and opened up old wounds; my editors co…